I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize