Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
