There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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