Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
