One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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