a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize