I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
