Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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