So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
