Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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