Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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