can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
