why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
