Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
