I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
