Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
