you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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