i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
