So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
