please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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