There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
