i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How drunk are you?
Completed.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
