Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize