EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
