Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
