Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
