Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
