Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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