So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
