She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
3 2 1 whiskey
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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