it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
