her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize