i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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