at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
