it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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