Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
