Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
