I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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