I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
