I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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