I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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