I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
