ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
