They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
