did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
