Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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