the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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