Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
