it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
