why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
