He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize