It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
