census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
