I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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