He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
