Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
