The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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