addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize