I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
