Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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