I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
