My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just come out here and I will go home with you...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
