i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
