chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
