ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
soo... how was my night?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
