It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
