dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
