i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
