A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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