Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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