I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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