i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
