..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize