your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
