Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
