You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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