Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
