dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
