I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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