I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
