is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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