she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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