she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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