so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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