its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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