Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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