did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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