You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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