My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
