Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
