Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
