My balls are so social today.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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