So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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