she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
