You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
