I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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