i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
