my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
