Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
