I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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