I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
