God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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