Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
