So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
