I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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