then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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