bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize