I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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